


Tea for Two

by Shingeki no Fanfic (Estelindis)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gen, Tea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2209011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estelindis/pseuds/Shingeki%20no%20Fanfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Petra makes tea for Levi, hoping to spark a personal conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tea for Two

Petra breathed a slow sigh of relief.  Finally, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo had left to see their families and loved ones in the town.  Oluo had procrastinated longest before leaving Petra to her own devices for the day of downtime, but even he gave in eventually.  Now, as she brewed a pot of black tea, she only had to overcome the internal resistance of fear that made her hesitate to speak privately with Captain Levi.  What she wanted to say to him wasn’t truly appropriate for a subordinate, but the need to say it wouldn’t go away.  All the same, if she made a mess of it, it could fundamentally worsen their professional relationship.  Shouldn’t she change her mind, as she had several times previously...?

In the end, the tea decided it for her.  When the right time to serve it came, Petra’s feet brought her to Captain Levi’s door inevitably.  To waste the expensive luxury would be a shame that he wouldn’t excuse if he knew about it.  Balancing the tea tray with one hand, she knocked.

A few moments later, the door opened and Levi appeared, looking bored.  “What is it, Petra?” he asked without intonation.

“I made tea, sir,” she said, doing everything she could to keep her voice even.

“Excellent,” the captain said, his expression becoming a little less apathetic.  “Thank you.”

Then, before Petra could ask if they might talk privately while drinking the tea, Levi relieved her of the tray and closed the door in her face.

Petra stood in the corridor for a while, silent and utterly flummoxed.  This was not part of the plan.  Should she knock again and ask to talk, or should she simply chalk this up as a terrible idea and go back to the drawing board?  She sighed.  Actually, how about never trying anything remotely like this ever again?

She was just turning away when the door opened once more.  Captain Levi stepped forward as if to stride down the corridor towards the mess hall, but stopped short when he saw her still standing there.  “You brought two teacups,” he said.

“Yes, sir,” Petra said, not meeting his eyes.  “Sorry, sir.”  Still not looking directly at him, she held out her hand to receive the now-superfluous cup that she felt sure he must be giving back.

“Petra,” Levi said, sounding slightly exasperated, “don’t just stand there.  Come in.”

Petra blinked and looked at the captain.  He held the door open for her, standing to one side.  Relieved and newly-nervous all at once, she stepped into his quarters.

Levi’s room was immaculate, with no clutter whatsoever.  His 3DMG was semi-disassembled on his desk, taking up about half of its surface area.  The tea tray was there too.

“I only have one chair,” Levi said, offering it to her.  Petra sat down.  Levi sat on his bed, right beside the desk, still within reach of the tea.

One cup was already poured, so Petra poured another for herself.  Both scouts took a few sips, savouring the hot, bitter taste.

At length, the captain said: “I assume that you want to discuss something.  For the record: if you’re trying to angle for a promotion, you would’ve been better off leaving me all the tea.”

Petra blushed.  “No, sir.”

“So, what is it?”  He took another sip.

“Well, sir, it’s not completely appropriate for me to ask...”  Petra saw him frown, swallowed, and made herself go on.  “...But I was wondering why you never visit anyone during downtime.”

Levi was silent for only a moment before replying.  “It _is_ inappropriate to ask, but I’ll forgive you because of this perfect tea.  Visiting town would be pointless.  There’s no one I want to see there, and no one who needs to see me.”  He gestured to his 3DMG.  “On the other hand, maintaining my gear could save my life or someone else’s.”

Petra gulped a mouthful of tea.  “Sir, we all look after our gear.  We know how important that is.  It’s just... other things are important too.”

Slowly, Levi drank the rest of his cup of tea.  Then, carefully, holding the pot at what she thought of as exactly the right distance above the cup, but which many others would consider to be too high, he poured some more.  Finally, he said: “What are you getting at, Ral?”

Petra wasn’t sure if this was going better or worse than she’d expected, but at least he was letting her continue.  “Well...  As scouts, we’ve all lost people who matter to us, in the worst way imaginable.  No matter how much we care about our comrades, our top efforts can’t achieve a 0% casualty rate.  You’re the best of us, Captain, but even you can’t be everywhere.  You save a lot, but you can’t save everyone - and that’s hard.”

Her commanding officer had stopped drinking the tea.  He stared ahead, saying nothing.

Petra went on: “That’s why caring about people outside the scouts can help.  We know that our friends and families at home are kept safe, and during downtime we get to escape to their world, to a place where the titan threat isn’t so immediate.  We get to enjoy what we’ve worked so hard to protect.”  She paused for a moment, tried to collect herself.  “So... even if you have no family within the walls... maybe it would help you to find some civilian friends.”  There.  Done.  Her hand was trembling a little too much to pick up her cup for another drink.

Levi’s gaze drifted over to her.  The puzzlement in his face made her wonder for a bizarre moment if she’d spoken in a foreign language.  But then he responded: “Do you think that I’d be more effective in combat with such... additional motivation?  Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“No, sir, it’s not that,” Petra protested.  “It’s not for me to tell you how to achieve better combat results.”

Levi’s eyebrows quirked upwards.  “ _Now_  your sense of the appropriate returns...”  He took another sip of tea.  “So what, then?”

“Nothing to do with our duties.  I just want you to be happy,” Petra said, amazed that this purpose hadn’t already been clear from what she’d previously said.  “Insofar as people like us can be happy, for a while,” she amended after a moment.   She drank what remained in her cup.

“I’m happy when I kill a titan - especially if it saves a fellow scout,” Levi said, his neutral tone and expression not displaying the slightest happiness in spite of his words.  “I’m happy when my actions enable Four-Eyes to discover something via research, or when I get to carry out the Commander’s orders without the mission parameters changing mid-way.”  He paused.  “I’m happy on the rare occasions when all the barracks are completely clean.”  He gave her a sidelong glance and his expression softened just a little.  “And I’m happy when a kind subordinate provides masterfully brewed black tea, unlooked for.”

Petra smiled sadly.  “I’m glad I could do that much, Captain.  But is there really nothing for you outside the Survey Corps?”

Levi shook his head.  “Nothing that catches my interest.  The Survey Corps provides more than enough to keep me occupied.”  He took a sip of tea, nearly finishing his second cup when Petra hadn’t even poured her own second.  “I don’t resent scouts who have loved ones beyond our ranks, or ordinary people themselves,” the captain explained.  “Civilians are part of why I fight.  I don’t need to know them personally to understand that their lives shouldn’t end in titans’ mouths, or that they shouldn’t have to starve because our old lands have been conquered.  It’s just that nothing else about them is important to me.  They have their lives and I have mine.”

Petra thought about that.  At length, she said: “What if, one day, we find out where the titans come from... and beat them, for good?  What if a day dawns when there are no more titans to fight?  What will you do then?”

Her captain frowned and seemed about to answer flippantly, but then he paused.  After a moment, he drained the last of the tea in his cup and poured some more.  There couldn’t be much left in the pot.  Eventually, he spoke quietly: “I’m in no hurry to die, but I doubt I’ll be alive by the time that happens, if it ever happens.  Still, freedom from the titans is the goal we all aim for.  Maybe some breakthrough will let us accomplish it, somehow, before I’m dead.”  He said nothing for a time.

“And...?” she couldn’t help but prompt him.

“And?” he echoed.

“What will you do then?” Petra asked once more.

Levi shrugged and sipped his tea.  “I’ll figure out what to do when that day comes.  No point in planning when we don’t know how, if, or when it might happen.”

A small, disappointed noise escaped her.

He met her gaze without scorn.  “Petra, you have enough experience as a scout to know how often plans are discarded, even when they only affect a single mission.  This is the same principle, applied a hundredfold.”

“I suppose so,” she said quietly.

“But,” he went on (and the change in his tone, though slight in anyone else’s voice, was enough in Levi’s to make her look at him sharply), “I hope that as many of us as possible get the chance to decide what to do next, if that day ever comes.  I hope that you’ll be standing there, whether I am or not. I hope that, no matter how many of your plans have been unmade, you will not hesitate to make new ones.”  Having said that, Levi picked up his cup of tea, which couldn’t have been less than half full, and drained it to the last drop.

Petra stared, not knowing what to say.  She hadn’t been prepared for this answer.  She had come to try to help him, yet he was the one who now spoke words of hope to her.  At length, she said: “Thank you, sir.”  It was hard to go wrong with that, and she wanted to thank him very much for those words.  And then, because she needed to add that much more: “I wish the same for you.”

Levi inclined his head, acknowledging that.  After a time, he asked: “So... assuming your questions are answered... will you now pay your own visit to the town, to see your family and loved ones?  I don’t think it’s too late.”

She nodded.  “I’ll visit my father.  If I’d persuaded you to come to the town with me, I had a few other places in mind that we could have visited, but my family will have all my time now.”

“Good.”  Levi paused for a moment.  “Before you go, you should have the rest of the tea.  I’ve had three times as much as you.”

“That’s all right,” she said.  “I like it, but I think you enjoy it more.”

“If you insist.”  The captain didn’t need her to refuse the offer twice, immediately pouring the rest of the tea for himself.  He lifted the cup to his lips and savoured a slow sip.

Petra rose from the chair and put her cup and the teapot on the tray.  “Thank you for speaking with me, Captain.”

“Thank _you_ , Petra, for the tea.”

Petra gave him a genuine smile and then, taking the tray, left his room.  Her heart felt light and heavy all at once.  She didn’t expect to have a conversation like that with Captain Levi ever again, but she decided then and there that she would make tea for him whenever the opportunity arose, for as long as she was around to give it and he was there to receive it.

Once Petra had cleaned the teapot and her cup, there was nothing more for her to do but leave the barracks for the town.  She glanced back only once at the room where Levi was.  She made out a vague shape behind the window that she knew was him, sitting at the desk that he’d shared with her, but she couldn’t determine if he was looking back at her or not.

At length, she straightened her back and walked forwards: towards the town, where her father waited, and into the future, with all its uncertain plans.

 


	2. Two for Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petra is surprised when the gentle rhythm of her making tea for Levi each week is interrupted.

True to her inner promise, Petra had made tea for Captain Levi once a week since their significant conversation a few months ago.  Much as she might have liked to prepare it for him every day, she couldn’t afford to buy that much of the luxury item – or, to be precise, she couldn’t afford that much of the particular tea that she liked to buy.  Less expensive types were available – still extortionate, but not wildly so – and, indeed, sometimes the whole squad drank those together.  Levi, she noted with amusement, had set aside a certain portion of their operational budget for just that purpose.  However, while those less expensive teas were acceptable in their own way, none of them had the taste that Petra liked best.  Judging from Levi’s reaction to her tea, he appreciated it as well. 

Of course, buying the right tea was only half the job.  Preparation was the other half, and several factors had to be taken into account.  Petra drew the water for tea freshly each time.  Before boiling it, she tasted it to make sure that no unusual flavours were present.  She heated the water until it was just off the boil.  Then she put the right amount of tea leaves into the pot and poured in a small quantity of hot water.  She sloshed the hot water around the inside for about ten seconds, which served the dual purpose of warming the pot and rinsing the tea leaves (appropriate for this type of tea, but not all types).  Then she threw that water out, keeping the leaves.  Finally, she poured in the boiling water that would make up the tea.

Petra typically brewed the tea for four minutes, but at the three-minute mark she tasted a little sip, to check how it was doing.  If it seemed stronger than she expected, she’d cut the brewing short.  If weaker, she’d give it extra time.  It wasn’t usually needed, but better safe than sorry.

Then she would place the pot on a tray with a single cup and bring it to Levi’s room.  The first time she’d done this after their initial conversation over tea, she’d seen him look down immediately at the tray and check the number of tea cups.  She hadn’t been able to help her crooked smile.  Levi had looked up then, his expression indecipherable.  After a long moment’s pause, he’d blinked, thanked her for the tea, taken the tray, and closed the door.  It had been quite unlike the confident way in which he’d relieved her of the tea she’d prepared for them both, the previous time.  However, the next time, and every time after that, he’d seemed to know what to expect and had shown no hesitation.

Now, that time of the week had come around again.  Insofar as their schedule permitted, Petra tried to make the tea at the same time, on the same day of each week.  For both practical and sentimental reasons, it was the same time and day when she’d initially visited Levi with tea.  The captain usually spent this time of the week alone in his quarters, doing practical tasks like paperwork or maintaining his gear.  He wasn’t a loner in general – he spent plenty of time in the mess hall with the rest of the squad – but he kept anything that required careful attention and total cleanliness away from the sometimes-chaotic common area.

As before, Petra carefully went through the usual steps.  This time, however, just as she finished straining the leaves from the tea in order to end the brewing, Levi appeared in the kitchen. 

Petra’s eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly replaced that expression with a smile.  “Captain!”  She put the tea pot on the tray, along with a single cup, and made as if to give it to him, though she didn’t truly want him to leave the kitchen so soon.  “You’ve saved me a trip.” 

“No, I haven’t,” Levi said.

Petra’s brows crinkled in confusion.

“Bring two cups,” the captain clarified, before turning and heading back the way he’d come.

Petra’s heart hammered in her chest.  She had no idea what this meant, but there was no way she was going to do anything but what he’d said.  Placing a second cup on the tray, she followed Levi back to his quarters. 

The desk was fully cleared this time: no paperwork or 3DMG.  They sat down in the same places as before.  Then, after a moment of hesitation, Petra served the tea. 

Levi took a sip and made a small sound of satisfaction. 

Petra smiled.  In spite of not knowing why he’d invited her here, she started to relax, savouring the taste of the tea as well.  It would be a shame not to enjoy it.

Neither of them said anything for a time.  They simply drank the tea.

After a space, Petra decided that it would be a mistake to try to figure out what the notoriously unreadable captain wanted on this occasion.  He might have been looking for something as simple as company while he drank the tea, or he might want to discuss something important.  Unless he showed her, she couldn’t know.  All she could do in this moment was what _she_ wanted, what would make _her_ happy.  And right now, she decided, all she wanted was to be in the same room as Levi and drink tea together.

A while later, once they’d had two cups of tea apiece, Levi cleared his throat.

Petra looked over at him.  Smiling, she raised an eyebrow, inviting him to say whatever was on his mind.

Levi’s own brows slid up just a fraction.  Then he said: “Petra, you make the best tea I’ve ever had.”

A rush of delight flooded through her.  She gave what she hoped was a gracious nod, acknowledging the compliment.  “I’m glad you like it, sir.  It’s my favourite too.”

“Yet you’ve been leaving it all for me,” Levi observed.  “You know I was joking when I told you that was how to get promoted, right?”

Petra couldn’t help but laugh.  “Of course, sir.  What promotion could I possibly want?  You’re squad leader, and Eld is your second-in-command.  I trust you both, so I’m content where I am.”

“Good,” he said.  “So, if that’s not the reason, why _do_ you give me a pot of this excellent tea every week?”

She glanced at him, surprised.  Was the question serious?  After a moment, she said: “Sir, I want you to be happy.  You like the tea.  What other reason do I need?”

Levi seemed to consider that for a moment.  “You like the tea as well.  What about _your_ happiness?”

She felt her colour rise.  “I like it, sir, but I don’t think that gives me the right to impose my company on you.  My company isn’t a condition of the tea.”

“Do you think I don’t want your company?” Levi asked mildly.

Petra was definitely blushing now, but she remembered him closing the door in her face, the first time she brought him tea.  “I don’t want to assume either way,” she said.

“Well, do _you_ want _my_ company?” he asked.

“Definitely!” Petra said immediately, before she could think of some more elaborate way to put it and get tongue-tied.  Heat spread in her chest as she wondered if she actually should have chosen the option of incoherent stuttering instead of such an emphatic _yes_.  Belatedly, she added: “But not if you don’t want me around.”  Having him humour her would be mortifying.  “For all I know, you might like having a bit of time to yourself.”

He looked at her for a while, his expression neutral.  “I do, sometimes,” he said.  “However…  Last time, when we talked here, you asked me some things that I didn’t expect.  Thinking back afterwards, I was surprised that it didn’t bother me.  If anything, quite the opposite.  Your perspective’s very different from mine… and not in a disagreeable way.  I don’t want to cut myself off from that by only interacting with you in a military context.” 

Petra couldn’t believe it.  Not only had Levi not minded her personal questions… he was glad that she’d asked them?  Even though, at the time, he’d agreed that they were inappropriate?

“So,” the captain went on, “if you’d like to share the tea with me each week, you’d be welcome.”

Petra smiled.  “I’d like that very much.” Her conscience made her add: “But only on the condition that, anytime you’d rather be alone, you’ll tell me.”

“Fine,” Levi said instantly.  “The same applies to you.”

She nodded. 

He continued: “Of course, I am always your commander, and you are always my subordinate.  However, the structure of command isn’t the most relevant factor when drinking tea.  So, I propose that, solely on these occasions, we don’t allow our commander-subordinate relationship to restrict what we discuss.”  A pause.  “Do you still agree?”

Petra felt her eyes widen.  With some effort, she stopped herself from the instant consent that she instinctively wanted to give.  Instead, she took the time to examine what accepting his suggestion would actually mean. 

The truth was, Petra wasn’t always sure how she felt about Captain Levi.  Sometimes, it seemed like intense admiration, and there was nothing wrong about feeling that towards one’s commanding officer.  If anything, she was lucky to have a superior who inspired admiration.  Not everyone did.  Other times, she wondered if it was a romantic crush, which would be completely inappropriate.  At the times when she suspected this to be true, she hated herself for being so immature as to turn the captain into an object of infatuation, and wished that the flight of fancy might pass.  

The question that she asked most rarely was whether it might be more than a crush – whether it might be real love (whatever that was).  She wondered that most rarely because it was the most absurd, least understood of the three options.  But, really, she’d always been kept safe from having to properly ask herself whether she was in love with him because her respect for the chain of command meant that she would never, ever confess such feelings.  Now, if there was a time every week when she no longer had that excuse to fall back on, might she end up saying something very stupid?  In fact, according to the terms he’d laid out, wouldn’t she actually be obliged to confess her heart?  Assuming she ever figured out how she felt, that is. 

The trouble was that, even if the complicated emotion was love, she had no reason at all to think that Levi felt the same way.  As far as she could tell (and she still found him very hard to read), the captain was intensely masculine, but not at all romantic, maybe not even interested in sex.  She’d never heard of him being involved in any special relationships, and had no reason to think that he’d ever want to make an exception for her.  If she ignored what seemed to be his preference, if she figured out that she loved him and decided to make a shocking declaration while they were having tea, might it not contaminate the companionship that might otherwise develop between them? 

That was it, she realised at last.  The value of whatever was building up between herself and Captain Levi gave her a way to agree to his suggestion.  Even ignoring the chain of command, there was still their nascent friendship to consider. That was important enough to forestall any foolish confessions. 

“Petra…?”  The captain’s voice held the barest note of uncertainty.  “If that’s not what you want, just say so.”

His voice cut through her reflections, luckily not before she’d made her choice.  “I was thinking it through,” she said, giving him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.  “I accept your proposal… Levi.”   _That_ was difficult: speaking his name without his title.  The risk of it made her stomach flutter.  But it seemed like the best way both to show that she wanted what he offered and to test if he really meant it.

For a moment, Levi didn’t speak.  Then, sounding as satisfied as she’d ever heard, he said: “Good.  It’s settled.” 

Petra beamed.

Then, without further ado, Levi turned his attention to the long-neglected pot of tea and divided what remained there equally between their cups.  “We shouldn’t let this get cold.”

 _No_ , Petra thought, warmth spreading through her body even before she accepted the drink, _we shouldn’t_.


	3. Far from the Cry of the City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi seeks some insights from Petra.

It didn’t take Petra long to settle into the new rhythm of sharing tea with Levi once a week. Initially, she worried that the captain would quickly tire of the topics that she liked to discuss, but often enough he set the subject, and sometimes they just sat in comfortable silence.

One day, when they were drinking tea, Levi asked her: “Where were you planning on bringing me, that first time?”

Given his lack of interest in accompanying her to town, the question surprised her, but she answered honestly (she rarely saw the point in speaking any other way). “Well, the market first. It’s usually bustling, so there would’ve been lots of people to meet. But even if that didn’t work out, they sell plenty of nice foods – the pies are the _best_ – and a few different blends of tea. There are stalls with useful everyday goods, and booksellers too. It wouldn’t have been a waste of time.”

“Hmm,” he murmured noncommittally, taking a sip of tea.

“Then a walk by the river,” Petra went on. “Plenty of other people go for walks there – but, even if we didn’t meet anyone interesting, it’s pretty. Then, finally, back to the centre of town. A couple of minutes from the main square, there’s a tavern where people play chess and cards in the evenings. It’s clean and not too loud.” She tried to gauge his reaction to her imagined itinerary.

“I see,” Levi said eventually. “The walk sounds painfully dull, but the rest isn’t total shit.”

The corners of Petra’s mouth twitched upwards at that _ringing_ endorsement. “Well, if you ever change your mind…”

“I don’t expect to,” he said neutrally.

She shrugged, keeping up her small smile as best as she could. “More tea?” He nodded, so she refilled his cup, as well as her own.

After a while, Levi said: “You’ve done all those things, or you wouldn’t know.”

“Yes,” Petra said. Admittedly, it had been a while in the case of the tavern, but she’d at least popped in to check that people still played games there, a few months back.

“But, these days, you usually visit your family – isn’t that right?”

After a moment, Petra nodded. “That’s true.” What was he getting at?

“So did you actually make friends doing _any_ of those things?” Levi asked.

Petra flushed. “I…”

He carried on sipping tea, waiting for her to manage something coherent.

“Yes, I did,” she said eventually. “I just don’t see many of them anymore.”

Something about her reaction made Levi’s eyes widen slightly. “Fuck,” he said, “they’re not…?”

She caught his meaning immediately. “No, they’re not dead.”

He nodded, his expression becoming unreadable again. “Why, then?”

“Well,” Petra said hesitantly, “my strongest relationship is with my father. I don’t get much time off, so I think it’s more important to see him than anyone else. He’s an older person… and, well… I could die any time we’re on an expedition. Whichever of us goes first, I don’t want to lose out on the time we have left.” After a moment, she added: “I see my old friends occasionally, but I have to prioritise. That means… accepting missing them. At least I know that what I’m doing in the Survey Corps helps them.”

“I see,” Levi said. He took a drink, and she followed suit.

“You know,” Petra said after a little while, thinking back to how he hadn’t rejected _every_ aspect of the excursion she’d planned, “if the idea of chess and cards appeals to you, I could always get some for the squad.” The more she considered it, the more it grew on her. “Actually, maybe I’ll do that anyway. Gunther would be interested, at the very least.”

“Did someone increase Survey Corps pay and not tell me?” Levi asked, a faintly sardonic note in his voice.

She laughed. “Hardly. I’ll have to save up, but that’s all right. It’ll be nice to have other things that we can do together.”

A slight look of confusion flitted across Levi’s face and was quickly gone. He shrugged. “Maybe. Just be prepared for Four-Eyes to get involved if she sees us.”

Petra’s eyebrows flew up. “Squad Leader Hange likes games?”

“More like she watches and tells everyone what to play. Shitty as always.”

She smiled. “The two of you are like me and Oluo.”

Levi’s perpetually furrowed brow gained another crease. “Not even a little.”

“No, really,” she said. “We annoy each other and argue all the time, but it couldn’t happen if we weren’t friends.”

He scowled but didn’t offer further disagreement. After a moment, his expression become more introspective. “You and Oluo have known each other for years. Why do think he tries to look and sound like me?”

Petra covered her face with a hand. Where to begin? She and Oluo had grown up in the same area, and they’d been in the same class of cadets, so she had a reasonable level of insight concerning his personality. But would Levi want to hear all her speculations? “Ah… That might take a while…”

Levi shrugged. “We still have half a pot of tea to get through.” He took a sip.

She nodded and drank some as well. Then she began her best efforts at explaining it. “Oluo was brought up very properly. His family is large and not well-off, but his mother insists that they’re always clean and presentable, and that they speak ‘correctly,’ without a strong accent or use of the local dialect. She’d never tolerate the least bit of swearing or slang. She’s a kind, down-to-earth woman, so it’s not about superficial appearances. She just wants to give her children a head-start in life, so that they always have enough to eat, you know?”

He nodded, letting her continue.

“Anyway, he rebelled against that a bit as a child, but eventually it got drilled into him. When we were cadets, he kept to the way he’d been brought up, and it served him fairly well. But when we graduated and met you, he started to change.” She paused. “I think, initially, it was as simple as seeing someone who didn’t fit into the framework that his mother gave him. You’re the top soldier in the entire military. You’re respected and held up to all of us as an example. And… well… you don’t exactly speak like his mother said a pillar of society would.”

“I’m not a pillar of fucking society,” Levi said flatly.

“Sure,” Petra said, smiling slightly, “but Oluo’s mother always told him that one had to act and speak a certain way if one wanted to improve one’s situation in life. You disprove that. You’re the best at what we do, but you don’t restrict yourself to the rules she imposed on him.” In a teasing tone, she added: “At least you agree on the importance of cleanliness.”

“It’s a good thing he learned that early,” her captain muttered. A pause. “Not that it would’ve mattered in the end. I wouldn’t tolerate _any_ of you living like pigs.”

“True.” She took a sip of tea. “Anyway, that’s as far as it went at first: Oluo just acquired a foul mouth and a haircut like yours. I told him to stop… that his personality’s not like yours and to just be himself… but that had no effect at all.” She drank a little more. “I don’t know if you noticed, but the imitation didn’t really take off until you saved him from the titan that killed Ilse Langner.”

Levi continued to listen, drinking his tea in silence.

“He already had plenty of experience by then,” Petra went on. “Improvement in teamwork, an impressive kill-count… But that one moment of terror, just because Squad Leader Hange’s order made him hesitate, really changed him. When he said he’d follow you anywhere after that… I really think he intended to make you his model in every way.”

Levi frowned. “I don’t save people to turn them into lapdogs. Looking out for one’s subordinates is just a basic responsibility.”

“I know,” Petra said. “I mean, he’s not the only one you’ve saved. And Eld, Gunther, Oluo and I have all saved each other at least once… But none of those situations were as bad as being gripped in a titan’s fist. That’s bound to have a serious effect.” She paused, struck with a pang of sympathy for her fellow scout. “I think Oluo believed in himself a lot until then, and it turned out not to be enough. Now, I think… he believes that the best person he can be is you. Hence the cravat, the swagger, and all the other affectations…” She sighed. “They don’t even make him look like you anyway – they just make him look like an idiot! I’ve tried to talk him out of it so many times.”

Levi took a sip of tea. “Maybe that’s why he keeps doing it.”

She frowned, honestly nonplussed. “What?”

“To get a reaction from you,” he clarified.

Petra stared. “There’s no way…”

Levi regarded her neutrally. “You going red and yelling hasn’t stopped him yet. He can’t hate it.”

She coloured. This line of thought had never occurred to her. But really…? “Maybe he doesn’t hate it, but he can hardly _want_ me to react that way. Surely he wants everyone, including me, to believe this illusion he’s trying to project.” She paused, reflecting on her words. “Maybe that’d help him to believe it himself.”

Levi refilled their cups, emptying the tea pot. They both took a drink. Then he said: “If it gives him an _appropriate_ level of self-belief, I can put up with it. Can you?”

Petra gave him a philosophical look. “I don’t have a choice.” It wasn’t like she had any way to dissuade Oluo from imitating Levi. She’d tried every argument she could think of, to no avail. “But I really liked him more the way he was before. My friend, my comrade… Not someone trying to put on an act.”

Her captain nodded.

“How do you feel about it?” Petra asked.

“It’s irritating,” Levi said. “But it’s his mistake to fix – not mine or yours.”

She was a little surprised by his response – did her bickering with Oluo bother him? – but he hadn’t quite answered the question she’d meant to ask. “I more meant… How do you feel about the fact that his imitation of you is so ridiculous? Do you think the way he presents himself is how he sees you?”

“Maybe it is,” Levi said. “It doesn’t matter.”

Petra thought this over. Surely it mattered if the model that Oluo was using to guide his life was accurate. On the other hand, it made sense that Levi wasn’t deeply affected by others’ opinions of him. “I suppose,” she said, “that’s part of what bothers _me_ so much.”

He raised a questioning brow.

She explained: “I don’t like the idea of him seeing you that way.”

“You can’t expect everyone to see each other as you do,” Levi said. “Just accept the inevitable and get on with life.”

Petra blinked at his abrupt ultimatum… but, after a moment, she thought about what he said and couldn’t disagree. “I suppose you’re right. It would be better if I didn’t let his behaviour get on my nerves. I’ll try not to react so much… though I don’t know how well I’ll succeed.”

“Good,” Levi said.

She gave it a little more thought and added: “I still don’t think he’s doing it to get my attention… But if he is, maybe toning down my reaction will make him imitate you less.”

“Time will tell.”

In silence, they drank the little tea that remained.

When they were done, Levi thanked her as usual, and she went to the kitchen to clean the tea set. As she worked, she reflected on what the captain had said. Was it really possible that Oluo might be trying to get a reaction from her? It didn’t make any sense, because her comrade had known her for a long time already without trying to pull stupid stunts to get her attention. On the other hand, the fact that she hadn’t even considered the possibility – that Levi, of all people, had needed to point it out – meant that maybe her perspective on the matter was lacking.

Petra paused her work and peered around the kitchen, but Oluo didn’t appear conveniently out of nowhere to allow her to test her theories. No, she reminded herself: he was in town to do some errands, and wouldn’t be back before nightfall. She couldn’t be sure that she’d maintain her contemplative, sympathetic mood until she saw him next. As always, she suspected, some new idiocy would come from his mouth out of the blue, and the surprise, as much as anything else, would make her lose her temper. But she had to make an effort not to fly off the handle. She’d promised Levi that she would, and in the Survey Corps promises weren’t given cheaply.

_No, they’re not._ The thought seemed to come from another direction entirely. It suddenly struck her that, although she’d pledged to make tea for Levi every week, the pleasant ritual was as fragile as every other aspect of their lives. A single unanticipated danger during any expedition could end their routine quite abruptly. For all his stellar combat expertise and her increasing competence, no one could predict the outcome of every mission.

Petra shivered. Having finished the cleaning, she headed to the women’s sleeping quarters, bringing her tea-making goods with her. (It wouldn’t do to leave them in the common area. Her expensive tea would disappear in no time, and she’d find it hard to bear if someone broke the tea set that her mother had given her.)

On the small table beside her bed, Petra kept most of her personal possessions, including paper and ink. Typically, she used them to write to her father, but now she had a different letter in mind. Carefully, she planned out the words in her head, and then wrote to Levi, telling him where to buy the tea they enjoyed and how to brew it like she did. She didn’t trust herself to add anything sentimental at the end without sounding ridiculous, so she left it at that. Then she folded the paper twice over, and, after a moment of hesitation, wrote “Levi” – not “Captain Levi” – on the front. She placed the letter inside the caddy that held her tea leaves. If something happened to her, she thought it would reach him, whether he opened the caddy or someone else did.

Petra felt strangely hollow after doing that, like she was sad and satisfied at once. Satisfied because whatever she’d initiated with Levi might go on if she was killed, but sad because she really wanted to be there all the way. She didn’t think that anyone who survived a Survey Corps expedition could hold delusions about their own mortality, but it didn’t help to think about death all the time. If all went as she hoped, Levi would ultimately never see her letter.

Better, then, to turn back towards the living and write a letter that someone would definitely read. Petra took another sheet of paper. She had so much to tell her father.


	4. Life’s Weary Chase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A difficult week leaves Petra feeling inadequate.

The next week began with a resolution on Petra’s part not to overreact to Oluo’s behaviour. As it turned out, though, her friend’s imitation of Levi was the least of her troubles. Every day, she was faced with her own inadequacy far more than Oluo’s.

Levi announced that, in preparation for the next expedition, which was to embark in two weeks, the squad was to engage in rigorous strength training. Their goal was to extend the distance over which they could carry the weight of a human body, when flying via 3DMG. They all understood why: during the last expedition, there’d been an unusually high number of disabling injuries, compared to outright fatalities. It was vital to be able to remove wounded scouts from a combat zone. While a single week of focusing on this area couldn’t bring about massive improvement, even some progress would be better than none.

The experience left Petra frustrated and exhausted. Of the whole squad, she was able to carry the least weight. Three years as a military trainee and half as long as a scout had made her body strong (more toned and taut than she would have thought possible, in fact), but she still couldn't compare with the men of the squad. What bothered her most was the idea that she was letting her team down. They’d be able to carry her quite far if she was injured, but she couldn’t manage more than three quarters of their distance carrying a weight similar to their bodies. Eld, in particular, was immense. She couldn’t carry his weight for even half of his own best distance. But she couldn’t use her size as an excuse. Levi, who was about the same height as her, managed any weight with apparent ease.

Petra refused to give in. She devoted all her spare time that week to additional training, lifting heavy weights until her muscles couldn’t take any more. Now, as the week drew to a close, she had nothing left to give. When the time arrived for her to make tea for Levi, she barely managed to stay awake through the whole process. The only thing that prevented her from making a mistake as she brewed it was horror at the thought of wasting the expensive tea leaves. Reluctantly, she placed just one cup on the tea tray, brought it to Levi’s room, and knocked.

The captain opened the door and stood to one side, beckoning her to come in.

She shook her head and stayed where she was.  “Sorry,” she murmured.  “Not this week.  I’m so tired it’s a miracle I didn’t ruin this.”  She held out the tray, hoping he would take it before she could drop it. 

Levi blinked and accepted the tray.  She thought she saw disappointment flash over his face for just an instant.  Belatedly, she realised that this was the first time that either of them had declined the opportunity to share tea.  And it had been _her_ , not him… 

Before she could stammer an even more embarrassed apology, Levi said: “You’ve got a long way to go if that wore you out.”

Petra stared for a moment, so stung by his words that her previous train of thought was utterly derailed.  The closeness that had grown between them made his disapproval hurt even more.  She had to force herself to smile.  “I know.  I have to get stronger.  One day, I’ll be able to train like this all week and _not_ feel like collapsing.  I…”  She wavered.  “I just need to push through this.” 

Levi nodded.  “Good.  Get a proper night’s rest.  You’ll need to be ready for more of the same.” 

Her heart sunk – would the next week be like this as well? – but she returned his nod.

He looked at her for a long moment, his brow creasing, and added: “Don’t stumble into the wrong bed on the way to your quarters.” 

In spite of everything, that made Petra laugh quietly.  “I don’t think the guys would appreciate that!”  Then, sobering, because even in her addled state some things really mattered, she said: “When you’re finished, please don’t leave the tea set where anyone could break it.”

“Of course,” Levi said, with an assuredness that left no room for doubt.  Then his brow gained an extra crease.  “I… appreciate you making the tea, even though you’re tired.”  Disdain darkened his voice as he went on: “If I wasn’t so much of a shit, I would’ve made it for you.”

Disbelief washed over her in a wave.  She could barely credit what she’d heard.  “You’re not!” she protested.

Levi looked away.  “Go to bed, Petra.”

She stood there for a moment, still staring.

He muttered something indecipherable, stepped back into his room, and closed the door.

Petra didn’t really understand what had just happened.  After about a minute, she made herself walk away, swaying slightly as her weariness got the better of her.

As it happened, she did end up stumbling mistakenly into the men’s sleeping quarters.  A few yelps and she was staggering, red-faced, back down the corridor.  Perhaps, it crossed her mortified mind, Levi’s warning hadn’t been a joke after all.  When she finally made it to the women’s room and managed to pull off her boots and clothes, she’d just started to wonder what other words of his she might have misunderstood – but then sleep took her.


	5. I Have Invented My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petra wonders just how unique Levi is.

In spite of how weary and worthless Petra felt by the end of their strength training, the next journey beyond Wall Rose, the 55th Expedition, was a great success.  They delivered all the provisions they’d brought with them, nearly completing the supply route to Wall Maria.  On the way back, they even captured two titans for Squad Leader Hange.  Best of all, they only suffered five casualties and eleven serious injuries: fewer losses than any expedition since Petra had graduated.  Before her first mission, she would have been shocked that she could associate five deaths with a positive outcome.  Now, it was still difficult to accept fatalities, but she took comfort from the fact that their deaths had accomplished something meaningful.  For once, when they returned to the gates of Trost, she didn’t feel ashamed when she met the eyes of the people who crowded around them.  She only felt grateful that the sacrifices of her comrades had allowed the Survey Corps to achieve so much.

Petra couldn’t attribute their success to a single cause.  Certainly, part of it had been luck: while they’d fought titans, there hadn’t been many of the serious, unanticipated factors that could quickly turn even the best-planned expedition into a disaster.  Another cause, she thought, was the growing number of veterans.  The Survey Corps still had several squads of survivors from her trainee year, and twice as many from the year after her.  By now, they’d gained enough experience to know just how to react in most situations.  In particular, she and her squad mates had all shone during this mission.  Not one of them had failed to increase their solo and assisted kill counts.

In the middle of it all was Levi.  If they’d shone, he had eclipsed the sun.  Wherever titans couldn’t be avoided, he was there, cutting them down with inhuman grace and contemptuous ease.  The relative lack of unexpected hazards meant that, for the first time, they hadn’t needed to split their squad, allowing Petra to see the full extent of Levi’s virtuosity up-close.  In general, he had a tendency to solo multiple targets while they handled a smaller number of other titans between them.  On such occasions, they were too busy fighting for their lives to heed what he was doing.  During this expedition, however, they’d fought exclusively side by side.  Petra now appreciated just how much he could do, in a way far deeper than she had before.  It set her mind to wondering if every soldier had his potential locked within them, or if Levi possessed a once-in-a-generation talent.

A few days after their return, when she brought tea to his room, she decided to ask him.  She allowed one cup of tea to pass in silence, in case there was something he wanted to discuss, but when he said nothing she took it as a sign that she could present her question.   

“I don’t want to take false encouragement from the last expedition,” Petra said, refilling their cups.  “Our success might have been a fluke, and it still wasn’t without a human cost.  All the same, I think that the guys and I have improved in combat since you chose us.  I’m really pleased with how we did.”

Levi nodded.  “You shouldn’t get over-confident… but _some_ confidence is justified.”

She smiled, warmth spreading through her chest.  Even though she’d mentioned their improvement as a way to introduce what she really wanted to discuss, she hadn’t expected him to agree.  It felt good not to have her positive assessment shut down immediately.  “Thank you,” she said sincerely, before moving on to the main matter.  “Even so, I can’t help but feel… that you’re as far ahead of us as ever.”

He gave her an oblique glance.  “I know you all count your kills, but it’s not a fucking competition.”

She gave a low laugh.  “Of course _you’re_ not in competition with us.  You’re out of our league.”

He took a drink of tea, all the while looking at her directly.  “Where are you going with this, Petra?” 

She felt herself get a little flustered at the unbroken eye contact, but she tried to push that reaction down, to not get distracted from what she wanted to ask.  “I’m wondering if it’s possible for any of us to become as skilled as you, or if you’re simply… inimitable.”

His eyes narrowed.  “Of course I’m imitable.”  A pause.  “Open the top of your shirt.”

Petra nearly choked on her tea.  She felt colour flooding her cheeks.  Why had he asked her _that_ …?

Levi blinked, seemingly taken aback by her reaction.

The very fact that he was surprised by her blushing meant that he couldn’t possibly have meant anything untoward.  “Ah, sorry!” she managed.  Hesitantly, she put down her cup and unbuttoned the top of her shirt.  

Levi, still looking slightly bemused, took a handkerchief from his pocket, shook it out, and leaned towards her.  He tucked the white cloth into place at her collar.

Looking down, Petra saw that it made a serviceable imitation of a cravat.  Understanding stole over her.

“ _There_ ,” he said.  “Perfectly imitable.”  A note of sarcasm entered his voice.  “You and Oluo can make a club.”

“You…!”  Laughing, she pulled the handkerchief away from her throat and playfully threw it back at him. 

Calmly, Levi caught the handkerchief and went about refolding it.

After a few moments, when he was done and her laughter had subsided, she said: “That was really funny.  But I’m not talking about superficial imitation.”

Levi shook his head.  “You _think_ you don’t mean superficial imitation, but you do.”

Petra’s brows creased in confusion.  “I swear, Levi, I’m _really_ asking about combat… not the clothes you wear or the way you talk.”

For a while, he sat in silence.  Then, with faint reluctance, he said: “You don’t know where I’ve come from, the things I’ve seen, or what I’ve done.”

Petra felt her breath catch in her throat.  She did her best not to gape at the severe, unexpected swerve in conversation. 

Levi’s gaze unfocused as he went on: “Certain things that I experienced long before I joined the Survey Corps… things that I’ll _never_ tell you… made me able to overlook everything except what helped me to survive.  Unless someone’s prepared to go through _that_ … and I _absolutely_ don’t recommend it… any imitation will always miss the central point.”

Petra had heard rumours that the captain had been a thug in the underground of the capital before joining the Survey Corps, but she’d imagined he’d been a thief, stealing to survive.  At worst, she’d thought, he might have been an enforcer in a criminal gang.  But what he’d alluded to seemed worse than any possibility she’d considered.

Even though he’d left a lot unsaid, she was still surprised by the extent of his self-exposure.  He’d said that he’d never tell her the details of his old life… but, in fact, nothing had obliged him to bring up the subject at all.  Perhaps, at some level, even if he wasn’t fully aware of it, he wanted to tell her.  Still, the haunted look in his eyes, as if he was caught in some old memory, made her feel that it hadn’t been easy for him to raise the subject.  She had to respect his ambiguous feelings about his past.

“If you ever do want to discuss it, I’ll listen,” she said, “but I won’t pry.  You’re my friend and I respect your boundaries.”  So much so that she’d never transgress them by confessing feelings other than friendship, even if her heart ever became completely clear.

Levi, in turn, seemed not to have anticipated her own words.  When she called him her friend, his gaze refocused and he looked at her sharply.  His brows contorted in an expression that she couldn’t read.  His mouth opened slightly, but he didn’t speak.  

It suddenly occurred to Petra that she’d never called him that before, had never told him that these weekly occasions had led her to feel a personal bond with him.  She didn’t think that the connection was all in her imagination.  Hadn’t _he_ been the one to invite her in?  Hadn’t _he_ freed their discussions here from the restrictions of commander and subordinate? 

Nonetheless, feelings might run much deeper on her side than his.  Indeed, she could hardly imagine that they didn’t.  While Levi sometimes showed rare flashes of vulnerability in her presence, ordinarily he seemed masterfully self-sufficient.  At times, Petra felt pathetically needy by comparison.  Now, in a panicked moment, she worried that she’d overstepped the bounds of their weekly meetings.  Overwhelmed by the need to fill the silence before he did – before she had to endure him saying “Petra, we’re not friends” – she rushed to change the subject.  “Anyway, your past puts _my_ military training in perspective.”  She had no idea if this was the right thing to say, but she plunged on regardless.  “ _I_ thought it was tough getting shouted at by ex-Commander Shadis… running through mud and snow… being told that my manoeuvre skills are more suited to planting potatoes than fighting titans!”

The tension in Levi’s face eased, albeit not completely.  “Maybe I had it easy after all,” he deadpanned. 

Petra smiled at the tone of his words.  She hoped that it didn’t cost him much to trivialise his past experiences, even as a mutually understood joke.  “Say,” she went on, hoping to keep the subject in a comfortable zone, “is there _anything_ you’d change about the way recruits are trained?  We can’t fully imitate you in combat, but surely _some_ improvement is possible.”  She paused for a moment, thinking.  “It can’t all just be window dressing.  Trying to wield the blades with the grip you use surely isn’t _just_ as superficial as wearing a cravat.”   

Levi took a drink before responding.  “Before I joined the Survey Corps, I used illegal manoeuvre gear for a long time.  Back then, there was no one to tell me that my way of gripping the blades was ‘wrong.’  I found a method that suited me, rather than being restricted to orthodox technique.”  He took another sip.  “Maybe we should teach trainees differently from the start… give them a chance to find their own style.  The trouble is, the instructors are only very good at teaching one style.”  He fixed her with a flat look.  “I take it you’re not suggesting that _I_ should start teaching trainees instead of leading this squad.”

Petra blinked.  Clearly, he was being flippant, but the very thought of losing him to the Training Corps made her heart skip a beat.  “Of course not!  You’re needed on expeditions.”  She needed him close as well, but she wasn’t about to say that out loud.

Levi nodded calmly.  “Exactly.” 

They both drank some tea. 

At length, he added: “If anyone in this squad has a chance of learning my fighting style, it’s Oluo.”  Frowning, seeming to pull the words out of himself against his will, he went on: “However… if _you_ want to attempt it… I’ll try to teach you… but you won’t find it easy.  Frankly, your strengths lie elsewhere.”

Petra felt stunned.  Levi was offering her a chance to learn some of his methods… but, judging from his words and body language, he wasn’t especially keen to do so.  Hesitantly, she managed: “I want to be better at _everything_ that could help the Survey Corps.”

“Sure,” Levi said.  “But imitating my combat style isn’t the best way to use your time.  You’re already reasonably competent using standard methods.  You could work at further improving those instead.  Why risk your comrades’ lives by using any style but your best?”

She had no answer to that…  But another question did come to mind.  “You can just order me to do what you think is right.  Why leave the choice up to me?”

Levi looked away.  “Giving you orders… isn’t what I most want to do in this context.”  At length, he glanced back at her.  “But the main reason is that, if you do this, it’ll be on top of all your other duties.” 

Petra blanched.  For a moment, she sat transfixed, wondering how she’d manage to cram in additional training, on top of everything she did already.

“You think I’ve forgotten how hard the strength training was on you?” he asked.  “Now imagine extra sessions with me as well.”

She remembered how he’d pronounced a merciless judgement after she’d worn herself out: her best needed to be better.  Yet now he was willing to let _her_ choose whether or not to give her all.  “You told me that weightlifting shouldn’t have made me so tired…  You said I had to get better.”

“You must and you will.  But that’s a standard, non-optional duty.  Doing more than that is your choice.”  He took a long drink of tea and waited for her to answer.

Petra felt out of her depth.  She knew how she’d reached this point, but it wasn’t where she’d intended to end up, and she wasn’t sure how to go forwards.  Trying to understand what she should do, she went back over his words.  One thing stuck out: contrasting her with Oluo, he’d said her strengths lay elsewhere.  Oluo was much better than her at solo combat, whereas she excelled at fighting in a team.  Was it more important for her to patch up her weak spot or to further improve what she was best at?  Levi seemed to think the latter, but it was important to move beyond her comfort zone as well. 

At last, she said, “Maybe learning your special moves isn’t essential.  But I do need to get better at solo combat.  I know you generally pair me with one of the guys, but anything can happen in an expedition.  I need to be prepared.”  She hesitated for only a moment before continuing: “Whatever you can teach me that you think _is_ a good use of my extra training time, I’ll dedicate myself to learning.”    

Levi seemed to mull that over.  Eventually, he nodded.  “It shouldn’t take many more missions to finish the supply route.  After that, expeditions will be different to what you’re used to.  Diversifying makes sense.”

Petra managed a tremulous smile.  “I’m glad you agree.”  She took a long drink of tea and allowed herself to look ahead, beyond issues of training, towards what the future might bring if they managed to complete the supply route.  “How do you think expeditions will change?”

“The highest priority will be setting up a lift on the inner wall of Shiganshina,” Levi said.  “If we manage _that_ , a lot more will become possible.  Once supplies can be hauled to the top of that wall, a select group of Survey Corps members will be able to stay in the field semi-permanently.”

She gasped.  “Really…?”  She’d never heard him or Commander Erwin mention this before.

He nodded.  “Really.  The titan that broke through the outer wall should be too big to reach the inner one.  None of the others can reach the top.  Assuming no other strange types show up, the top of the inner wall is the only permanently safe place on the other end of the supply route.”  He grimaced.  “Of course, it’ll be a shitty place to live for long periods of time.  Nothing fucking civilized like this.”  He gestured to her tea set.  “And only the area around the gate is wide enough to camp on safely.  It won’t fit more than my squad, Hange’s, and Mike’s.  But our presence there will make things easier for everyone else trying to retake our lands.”

“That’s amazing,” Petra marvelled.  The next stage of the Survey Corps’ efforts would take her away from the familiar world of her home, from the family and friends she loved, but it was the logical culmination of the work they’d been doing since she’d become a scout.  While it was frightening to think of being in the field for so long, it was also exhilarating to imagine all the hard work and sacrifices beginning to pay off.  “I had no idea that living on top of Wall Maria was part of the plan for us,” she said.

“It all relies on completing that supply route,” Levi cautioned her.

“I think we can do that,” she said.

“We’ll give it our all,” he agreed.  “Sooner or later, we’ll succeed... but it might not be in any circumstances we can predict now.  I’ve seen too many of Erwin’s strategies ruined to assume this one will go to plan.”

The grim truth of those words couldn’t be avoided.  They both fell silent.  For a time, they did nothing but drink their tea.  Eventually, Petra said: “If it does succeed, we won’t get to do _this_ for a while.”  She divided the remaining tea between their cups, making it quite clear that she was referring to their weekly meetings.

Levi replied: “We’ll just have to make up for that afterwards.”  As soon as those words left his lips, his eyes widened slightly and he froze. 

Petra glanced at him in surprise.  Levi, the one who always warned her against over-optimistic plans for the future, had just said _that_?  Moreover, his attitude and expression seemed to indicate that there was some meaning in his words that he hadn’t quite meant to convey.  She spent a few wild moments trying to figure out what that could be.

Then, as she continued to watch Levi and saw him still rooted stiffly in place, she realised that understanding wasn’t important right now.  Affirmation was.  “Of course we will,” she said, giving him a small smile.  “Once our duties in the field are completed, we’ll have plenty of time for other things.”

After a long moment, Levi unfroze enough to put down his cup, but not enough to say anything further.  He continued to look at her, his brow deeply furrowed. 

Perhaps, Petra thought to herself, Levi sometimes allowed himself to have hopes for the future, in spite of the voice of pragmatism that normally ruled him.  If so, she seemed to be part of those hopes.  That warmed her heart more than she could adequately express.  Her earlier fears, the ones that had led her to imagine Levi firmly denying friendship with her, seemed absurd.  Hoping to convey some small part of what she felt in that moment, she allowed herself to add: “I look forward to those times.  I’ll put every moment of my extra training towards getting there.”

Levi managed a nod.  His look became a little less guarded, though an element of confusion remained.

Privately, Petra noted that she wouldn’t have been able to decode those expressions even a couple of months ago. 

It didn’t take long for them to finish the tea that remained.  Petra treasured each moment as it passed.  These meetings were even more precious now.  As they sipped the last of the tea, she felt the silence between them become more comfortable and noticed Levi’s expression return to normal (though, unless she imagined it, a slight uncertainty seemed to remain, underlying everything).

He didn’t say anything further to her before she gathered up the tea set.  Even when she did so, he only uttered his usual, brief thanks.  Petra averred that she truly owed thanks to him, for agreeing to direct her additional training.  With a warm smile, she left him to his own devices.

Afterwards, while she was cleaning up, she mulled over the conversation they’d had.  After some time, she realised that Levi had never said exactly when or how they’d “make up” for the lost tea meetings.  She’d assumed he was referring to a time directly after their theoretical field duty was finished.  But, in fact, there were so many factors at play that it was impossible to imagine what their circumstances might be then, assuming they were both alive.  Depending on what the Survey Corps achieved, their next missions could be anything.  The only circumstance in which they’d be guaranteed to be able to catch up again… would be once the titans were defeated, once and for all, and such a peace for humanity was ensured that they would be able to do what they wished, without duty pulling them in one direction or another.  In such a world, the Survey Corps might not even exist anymore.  And, if she hadn’t fallen wholly victim to wishful thinking, Levi still wanted to maintain a connection with her in such a world. 

Petra’s grasp on her teacup faltered. 


End file.
